Perhaps I love her
by Radiant Angel Girl
Summary: Usagi decides she needs time apart. She lets him go.
1. Chapter 1

_I can write the saddest poem of all tonight._

"Mamoru, I need to talk to you," Usako spoke softly from the doorway.

_Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,  
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."_

We stepped out onto the patio and sat on the stiff wooden swing. She took my hands, but looked away. I could tell she was nervous, and upset.

_The night wind whirls in the sky and sings._

"What's wrong Usa?" I asked her with all the softness I could muster.  
"I think I need space, Mamoru. I need time away from you." Though her face remained turned away, her voice was certain.  
"What do you mean?" I am certain I sounded incredulous.

_I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.  
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too._

"Our lives have slipped by us so quickly. I am only twenty, yet I feel as old as time itself.  
Mamoru, I need time without you, so I can be sure I love you."

_On nights like this, I held her in my arms.  
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky._

"What do you mean? Of course you love me. I love you. That's all we need, isn't it?" Of course it wasn't.

_She loved me, sometimes I loved her.  
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?_

"Mamoru," She looked up at me with her eyes shining from unshed tears, "I don't know if I love you anymore."

_I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.  
__To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her._

I felt a hole manifest itself in my heart. My stomach gave the sensation that it had dropped. My chest ached.  
"I think we just need time apart. If it's meant to be, it will be. Goodbye, Mamoru." She drew her hands away from mine and stood to walk away.

_To hear the immense night, more immense without her.  
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass._

"But I love you," The words dropped from my lips as my head fell into my hands.  
She turned back towards me and lifted my chin. I felt her press her soft lips to my brow. "I know."

_What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.  
The __night is full of stars and she is not with me._

She walked away from me, through the door and out of my apartment.

_That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.  
My soul is lost without her._

Why? Wasn't my love enough? I could feel her presence in my soul telling me it was more than enough.

_As if to bring her near, my eyes search forher.  
My __heart searches for her and she is not with me._

I watched the streets below for her, I saw her slip away into the crowd of passersby.

_The same night that whitens the same trees.  
We,__ we who were, we are the same no longer._

I look down at the girl I loved. I saw her hesitate, but look up to the skies, up to me and up to the moon.

_I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.  
My __voice searched the wind to touch her ear._

I will wait for her. I will wait for her to be sure.

_Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once  
__belonged to my kisses.  
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes._

I am afraid to let her image go. I fear that I will find her new face held in the hands of another lover. I know in my heart there will be another. I have to let her go.

_I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.  
Love is so short and forgetting so long._

I love her. I will wait for her. I need her. The breeze brought the cold air to my arms. I felt the void of where she sat next to me. I saw a strand of her silver hair swaying from the banister.

_Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,  
my soul is lost without her._

I looked towards the heavens and into the moon. That celestial woman who had left me cold, now became hidden behind clouds. I walked inside and locked the door behind me. That night, it rained.

_Although this may be the last pain she causes me,  
and this may be the last poem I write for her._

_Poem XX- Pablo Neruda(italics)_

Give me your feedback please. This is my favorite poem.


	2. Chapter 2

_I can write the saddest poem of all tonight._

"Mamoru, I need to talk to you," I spoke softly from the doorway. I knew this morning that it had to be today. When I awoke that morning I saw the evidence. I dressed and combed my hair out, and pulled my hands away and saw. I had changed. Some silver strands now shimmered in my mane. The Time was coming.

_Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,  
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."_

We stepped out onto the patio and sat on the stiff wooden swing. I took his hands, but looked away.  
I knew what I was doing would hurt him. He needs to be strong. He needs to try without me.

_The night wind whirls in the sky and sings._

"What's wrong Usa?" He asked me with all the softness I had ever heard him speak. It strained my heart to no end what I was about to do to him.  
"I think I need space, Mamoru. I need time away from you." I looked away from him, not wanting to see his reaction.  
"What do you mean?" He sounded so shocked and hurt. I meant I was leaving him.

_I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.  
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too._

"Our lives have slipped by us so quickly. I am only twenty, yet I feel as old as time itself.  
Mamoru, I need time without you, so I can be sure I love you." I love him. I always will.  
I couldn't tell him the tribulation was coming, that he needed to be strong when I was gone. I was afraid.

_On nights like this, I held her in my arms.  
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky._

"What do you mean? Of course you love me. I love you. That's all we need, isn't it?" Yes, but like our future counterparts had tested, I needed this test, too.

_She loved me, sometimes I loved her.  
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?_

"Mamoru," I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I blatantly lied to my love, "I don't know if I love you anymore."

_I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.  
__To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her._

I felt a hole manifest itself in my heart. My stomach gave the sensation that it had dropped. My chest ached.  
"I think we just need time apart. If it's meant to be, it will be. Goodbye, Mamoru." I pulled away from him quickly, and stood to walk away.

_To hear the immense night, more immense without her.  
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass._

"But I love you," his words were so quiet I thought I had imagined them.  
I leant back towards him and lifted his strong jaw. I pressed my lips to his brow in a reassuring kiss. "I know."

_What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.  
The __night is full of stars and she is not with me._

I walked away from him, through the door and out of his apartment.

_That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.  
My soul is lost without her._

Oh! He was enough for me. He was perfect for me. But just as I could barely live without him, could he be strong without me.  
Would he live without me. I left him with the promise of my return, but if he finds another... If he can love another, I would gladly release my love from this prison of a future.

_As if to bring her near, my eyes search forher.  
My heart searches for her and she is not with me._

I could sense his eyes on me. I already want this to have been a dream. How could I do this to him. I am a terrible person. I hate myself. I have brought this on myself and my love.

_The same night that whitens the same trees.  
We,__ we who were, we are the same no longer._

I looked towards my home in the sky. Mother! Why must this tribulation come? Why should I be ripped from the arms of the one who loves me. Why should I die before I can live?!

_I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.  
My __voice searched the wind to touch her ear._

I pray he will wait, will hope for my return. If he can hold out, just a little longer. Til I can hold this pain no more.

_Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once  
__belonged to my kisses.  
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes._

Oh please don't give up on me, Mamoru! I have known for a long time this day would come. Please dont love another, I never will.

_I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.  
Love is so short and forgetting so long._

I love you. Will you wait for me? I will need you more than ever. The breeze brought the cold air to my arms.  
I felt the void in my heart where true happiness had once been. I am a cursed child of the moon.

_Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,  
my soul is lost without her._

I looked towards the heavens and into the moon. I prayed a rain would come and cleanse my spirit of this sin against love.  
Destiny had caused this travesty. May I never cause him pain again.

_Although this may be the last pain she causes me,  
and this may be the last poem I write for her._

_Poem XX- Pablo Neruda(italics)_

Give me your feedback please.


	3. Chapter 3

The Time. The Tribulation. The End. It has been called so many things. Each prophecy is different, each ending the same. I am afraid. I am so afraid. What will happen to me. What kind of monster will I become. I will be all alone for the first time in my life. So alone.

I don't know how to act around my family anymore. They don't seem to know what to do with me either. My brother ignores me, my father is angry, my mother is quiet. They probably think that I am on drugs. I have been so strange to them for some time, since chaos knocked at my door, and ruined my life. The rift between us began the moment Luna crossed my path. It is so painful to remember that first transformation. I felt that I was leaving behind something special and entering a new life, a life without my familiy. I never really found a good way to tell them what I was. I always just figured they would never believe me. Now, at a time when I need their support I do not know how to ask it.

I look to the stone setting there on my left hand. I can only pray he still loves me the same. It has been one week since I left Mamoru. I regret it with all my heart. I just cannot bear to have him see me like this. I woke up this morning and found that more of my hair had turned. My skin is paler. My eyes are bluer. My entire appearance is changing. I am currently holed up in my bedroom, staring at myself in the mirror. Even my stance has changed. I haven't spoken to the girls in a week. I am suprised that they haven't broken down my door to find me.

I have decided to go out. I need to get out of this stifling house. I gather my purse, slip on a sweater and some shoes, and holler to my parents that I am going. They say nothing. I walk outside into the brisk fall air. Night has fallen and I look up at the twinkling sky. I continue on my way to the park. Once there I locate our empty bench. Our bench, as if there still was a we. I look up and there were clouds covering the moon. I pull my knees to my chest in the cool air. I hear some leaves rustle as if someone is walking near. I look around, it is Mamoru.

"Usa, I didn't expect to see you here." He walked up. I motioned for him to take the seat next to me. "You've changed Usa." The tone of his voice was a knowing one.

I felt tears welling in my eyes, my throat constricted, and I felt as if I might begin hyperventilating. "I'm scared Mamoru. I... I've been facing so many changes, that I thought it would be best to go it alone. I don't know what I am doing without you. If you can't forgive me I understand." A tear escaped, the clouds finally cleared, and the light of my home shone bright. I heard a gasp from the man next to me.


End file.
